I am so ashamed. I’m ashamed of the trouble I have caused and still cause. I’m ashamed of this lack of capacity to forgive others. I’m ashamed jealousy’s tight grip on me. I’m ashamed of turning to the wrong things for comfort. I’m ashamed of my disregard for life. I’m ashamed of my lack of positive impact. I’m ashamed of my secular lifestyle and views. I’m ashamed of my harshness and cynicism. I’m ashamed of closing all these doors to people. I’m ashamed of all the people I’ve smacked. I’m ashamed of this feeling in my heart that feels like hell flames. I’m ashamed of giving up. I’m ashamed of contemplating to give up. I’m ashamed of not having faith in people. I’m ashamed of people not being able to have faith in me. I’m ashamed of who I have become.

I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve reparations. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve kindness. I don’t deserve friends. I don’t deserve agape. I don’t deserve possessions. I don’t deserve comfort. I don’t deserve laughter. I don’t deserve mercy. I don’t deserve compassion. I don’t deserve a voice. I don’t deserve a word. I don’t deserve romance. I don’t deserve your patience. I don’t deserve God. I don’t deserve my life.

I shall seek you. I shall seek wisdom. I shall seek compassion. I shall seek kindness. I shall seek generosity. I shall seek love. I shall seek happiness. I shall seek self-control. I shall seek peace. I shall seek gratefulness. I shall seek my future.