If I really wanted to, I could work for the History Channel as a historian. However, I’d have to talk about the most boring and pointless subjects like the Crusades. I’m not saying they didn’t happen, but the reason they went on is just silly.

How did it happen? The year is 1095 and due to the fact that the only people that could read and write were the priests and religious leaders, the silly townsfolk and peasants had to believe them. After all, a servant of God would never lie to you. Anyway, due to the fact that all the soldiers that actually went to fight in the Crusades had never actually read the bible before, they had to assume that the “fight for the holy land and you’ll be pardoned of your sins” bologna that the bishops and cardinals were telling these illiterate suckers had to be true. Do I still have your attention? Well, a crap-ton of people signed up and went down to the “holy land”, which I’m pretty sure was Jerusalem. Wiki says I’m right. Anyway, so they went down to that God-forsaken desert and killed off not only a bunch of Muslim and Jewish soldiers, but the women and children as well. (You can’t take the big nose or pyromania out of the little ones, can you?) At first, they won the majority of the battles but as all things that are morally corrupt and inaccurate to the actual religion, it came to an end and all the soldiers that were still alive went back to catch some good, old black plague in 1291. 

Let me emphasize as to how history is not only to learn from, but also to laugh at the stupidity of Europeans and early Catholics. Thank you Martin Luther for stepping up and saying something, by the way. When Christ rose into Heaven, the promise is a chance to go to Heaven and join him. Jews believe that Jesus wasn’t actually the Messiah and that the actual promise land is an actual worldly city that happens to be smack-dab in Palestine which is indeed an Islamic country. If you are to read the Old Testament, Genesis to be exact, you’ll see the story of not only Abraham’s bloodline, but the bloodline of his son Isaac. Ishmael, Abe’s other son that wasn’t mentioned again after Isaac was born, is the supposed “ancestor” of the prophet Muhammad. What about Christ you ask, well he’s a descendant of Abraham as was God’s promise to him about the whole being fruitful and being father of the nations.

Now about this kingdom that is mentioned, like I said, Jesus’ kingdom is heaven and the Jews’ and Muslims’ kingdom is some city in the desert. The religious wars going on today between Christians and Muslims is that Muslim-extremist want to kill us off, as it is ordered in their religion (Sad, but true). No big deal though, I’d rather be a martyr than a fighter. Jews and Muslims, on the other hand, have been fighting for land BECAUSE (and this is the juicy part) they don’t believe in the teachings of Christ, thus they don’t believe that the blessings of God are heavenly and not worldly, thus they will probably remain at war until they kill off each other or until the world is destroyed.

Therefore, let’s review the moronic actions of the Catholic church and the Crusaders of the 13th century. The Catholic church, I’m pretty sure, just wanted to take back that land for economical reasons. The Crusaders, gullible in every sense of the word, believed the spiel that the religious leaders were saying about how, “God wants the holy land back! Do this and your sins will be pardoned for 20 years!” Oh well, they’re all dead now.

I guess another thing you could take out of this is that history is fun and that you shouldn’t be so wrapped up in worldly materials. Even diamonds will turn into dust and we all will pass, naked as we came. Think about it. If you liked this lesson, I’d appreciate it if you’d ask me any kind of questions that you have about history of just faith itself. I know, I’m a woman, but I’m not actually talking, so this is legal (kinda). In case you were wondering, that was me dissing my own denomination (Church of Christ). I’d love to have a discussion with you, thanks for reading.